singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize