We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
