Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
