Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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