I wish you could order shots online.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
