you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
