Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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