Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
