either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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