Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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