Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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