I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
