i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize