you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
