I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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