I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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