he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
