doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
