just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
