for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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