Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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