i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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