That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
