No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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