So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
