my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
