do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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