also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
