i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize