well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
