Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
