you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
