the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
