Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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