this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
