Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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