Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You need a sexual gate keeper
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
