I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
