ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
