yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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