The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This baby is an asshole
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
