It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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