I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
