That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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