I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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