It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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