dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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