So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
