Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
