I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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