I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
