it was like eating out sand paper
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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