mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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