Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
