Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
