Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
