My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
