So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
