My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
