If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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