There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need to calm my uterus...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I love you.
Bad choice
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
