God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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