i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
