Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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