I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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