Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
