yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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